What does balance feel like for you?
I have been talking with clients a lot about balance lately. Actually, it feels like I have been talking about it for weeks.
Different clients. Different ages. Different lives. Different challenges. Yet somehow, so many conversations seem to come back to the same thing:
“I just want more balance.”
And whenever someone tells me that, I usually ask:
What does balance actually look like for you?
What does it feel like?
How will you know when you have found it?
Those questions aren't always easy to answer.
Usually, we start talking about all the things that need to change. The negatives. The schedule that is too full. The stress that needs to go away. The boundaries that need to be stronger. The habits we want to improve. The things we aren't getting done. The list goes on.
And, of course, all the ways that life is just...hard sometimes.
But lately, I have been wondering if we sometimes make balance much more complicated than it needs to be.
One of my younger clients, who is four years old, started her coaching session sharing that she had a rough day. She shared that she "freaked out" this morning and her mom got upset with her because she didn't listen and they were running late. She went for a hike at school, tripped and skinned her knee and was tired. She shared that she got in trouble for talking when the teacher was talking. Let me tell you, this little lady looked wiped out, dirty, and like she needed a 3 hour nap. After sharing about her day and quietly listening, I gently asked her to share with me what the highlight, or the best thing that happened so far in her day has been. Without hesitation, she excitedly said:
“I laid in the grass, and I saw so many cloud animals!”
She immediately started telling me all about the different animals she had discovered in the clouds. She was smiling. Her body relaxed. Her tone changed. Her excitement was contagious. So I asked her why that was the very best part of her day.
Her answer was simple:
“'Cause Coach Ashlee—I just laid there and relaxed.”
And there it was.
Balance.
Not an empty calendar. Not a perfectly organized life. Not accomplishing everything on a to-do list.
A four-year-old lying in the grass, looking at clouds, and realizing that for a few minutes, she could simply relax. She didn't have somewhere to go or something she had to do. She wasn't being asked to listen to anyone. She could just be.
Another client described balance very differently. For them, it was somehow managing to juggle all of the kids' extracurricular activities, plan dinners, get everyone where they needed to go, and still be smiling at the end of the week and not feel exhausted - even when reflecting how busy her week has been.
That was balance.
Another client told me the best part of their day was acing a science test they had worked really hard to prepare for (using all the strategies from our coaching sessions 🩵)
That was balance, too.
And I think that is what I keep coming back to.
Balance looks and feels different for every single person.
It changes with our age. It changes with the season of life we're in. It might even change from one day to the next.
For one person, balance might mean slowing down. For someone else, it might mean finally feeling productive again. It might be saying no without feeling guilty. Getting through an incredibly busy week and realizing you're still smiling. Studying hard and seeing that effort pay off. Having dinner together. Taking a walk. Putting your phone down. Asking for help. Could be hugging your dog a little longer than normal (Thanks Moosey).
Or maybe it's simply lying in the grass and finding animals in the clouds.
When I stop and think about what balance looks like for me, I realize it isn't necessarily about doing less. It's about taking a moment to reflect on my life—where I am, what I'm doing, and most importantly, how I feel about it.
I'm busy. I'm doing a lot of things, and sometimes when I share everything I have going on, people look at me a little shocked and ask, “How do you do it all?”
And I think the answer is a combination of so many things. Support. Love. Ambition. Excitement.
I have people who support me. I have people I love and who love me. I'm ambitious and genuinely excited about the things I'm working toward. Being busy doesn't automatically mean that my life is out of balance. For me, the bigger question is whether the things filling my time are also filling me in some way.
Lately, I've been intentionally reflecting on that each day. What does balance mean to me today? What does it look like? What does it feel like?
Some days, balance might mean accomplishing a hundred things and feeling energized by all of them. Other days, it might mean sitting outside on a sunny Friday afternoon with my dogs at my side, feeling the breeze in my newly refreshed blonde hair and blowout, and realizing that right here, right now, life feels pretty damn good.
I'm learning that my balance doesn't have to look like anyone else's. It just has to feel right for me.
Maybe balance isn't a destination we finally reach. Maybe it is something we learn to notice.
Maybe instead of only asking, “What do I need to change?” we also need to ask:
“What already feels good?”
“Where are the moments when I feel most like myself?”
“What do I want more of?”
And maybe most importantly:
“When life does feel balanced—even for a moment—do I slow down long enough to recognize it?”
So now I'm curious.
What does balance look like for you?
What are you looking for?
How do you want to feel?
And when you experience one of those little moments where life feels just right—how do you celebrate it?
Maybe this weekend, we don't need to figure out how to balance our entire lives.
Maybe we just need to look for our version of cloud animals.
-Coach Ashlee
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